Gratitude in Marriage

When Monty and I first married, we sat down and decided generally how the chores would be divided.  But that doesn’t mean that I don’t take out the trash if he’s busy.  And he has certainly helped me load the dishwasher on many occasions.  Sometimes I do a little more.  Sometimes he does more. 

I have often been asked what is the secret to our happy marriage.  A big part of it comes down to one simple thing:  Gratitude.  Gratitude translates to appreciation.  Each of us wants to feel appreciated for what we contribute to a relationship.

The two words, “thank you”, are powerful.  I thank Monty every single time he takes out the trash.  I thank him for pumping my gas.  I thank him for paying for our supper when we dine out.  I thank him for holding the door for me.  I thank him for picking up his dirty socks and taking them to the laundry room.  I purposefully look for the smallest reasons to thank him.  And in turn, he feels appreciated.

When he notices newly folded clothes in his drawer or hanging in his closet, even after all these years he thanks me for washing his clothes.  He still thanks me for cooking supper when I put a meal on the table.  He thanks me when he notices that I’ve straightened up the house.  And in turn, I know that he appreciates me.  Those two tiny words, thank you, makes us both want to do more to please the other.

Over the years I’ve heard naysayers respond by saying why should they thank their husband for holding the door or taking out the trash when it is his “job” to do that.  My response is always this:  If a stranger came into your home and took out your trash, wouldn’t you sincerely thank them?  If a stranger holds the door for you, don’t you always thank them?  Well, then why in the world would not want to thank the most important person in your life when they do these things for you?

Gratitude means giving out sincere thanks.  But it is a habit that has to be developed.  Start thanking your spouse.  Continue to say thank you even if he is not saying it back.  Just keep on saying it and saying it.  If you are sincere with your gratitude on a regular and continuing basis, then I am positive you will see a difference.