Marriage. Children Not Included!

I have been musing for weeks about the sad situations where children get dragged into the troubles of their parents' marriage.  I know of two adult children who have taken on, personally, all the hurts and bitterness of their mother toward their father.  What they don't seem to understand is that they were never married to their father, only their mother held that distinction.  They were a part of the family unit, but never were they a part of the marriage.

Marriage and Family are different relationships and should be kept separate.  Children should never, ever be included in a marriage.  Young parents out there, you need to remember this!  Do not disparage your spouse in front of your children.  Do not turn your children against the other parent through open criticism or through sharing your marital problems with them.  Don't make them choose between the two of you!  

The two young adults that I mentioned are so bitter and have turned against their father, who to my knowledge never did anything to either child.  Yes, his marriage to their mother was a disaster, but - and I can't emphasize this enough - the marriage was NOT between him and his children.  

As young children, they were too young to understand, and by the time they were grown they had long ago made a youthful decision to take sides with their mother.  This bitterness towards their father is a direct result of feeling they had to choose between two battling parents.

It makes me sad that this father/child relationship is damaged simply because two parents could not keep their marital problems private and out of earshot of their children. What a shame that these children still do not realize how much their father loves them.  As adults they will not accept him as their father.  His grief over this is sad to see.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.
~Ephesians 6:1-3 

An important point to note in this scripture is that God did not command children to honor only one parent or the other, but to honor both.

On the flip side of this coin, I would remind parents not to concentrate so much on raising your children that you neglect the marriage and your spouse feels left out of the family dynamic.  Remember that balance in all things is one of the keys to a happy life.  

Balance your marriage and let your spouse know how important they are to you.  Agree to disagree behind closed doors.  Parent your children together, as a team, supporting each other in decisions that are best for the children and your family as a whole.

If you are a parent who has dragged your child into your marriage, repair the damage.  Now!  Stop hurting your children and depriving them of an equally important parental relationship.

If you are bitter toward a parent, make amends while you still can.  Get out of your parents' marriage.  It's none of your business.  

It's bad enough to lose a parent through death, and even sadder to lose one that is still alive.