Baby Boomer Babbling-er-Musings

I'm from the baby boomer generation. I have a mop of white hair, courtesy of my gene pool. And a botox-free face that sports frown lines in the forehead and around the eyes. Love handles instead of a waistline. Can't say I'm exactly crazy about any of these old age indicators but I accept them with grace. And now I've lived long enough now that I ponder on a lot of things, new and old.

Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Monday, July 22, 2013

Marriage. Children Not Included!

I have been musing for weeks about the sad situations where children get dragged into the troubles of their parents' marriage.  I know of two adult children who have taken on, personally, all the hurts and bitterness of their mother toward their father.  What they don't seem to understand is that they were never married to their father, only their mother held that distinction.  They were a part of the family unit, but never were they a part of the marriage.




Marriage and Family are different relationships and should be kept separate.  Children should never, ever be included in a marriage.  Young parents out there, you need to remember this!  Do not disparage your spouse in front of your children.  Do not turn your children against the other parent through open criticism or through sharing your marital problems with them.  Don't make them choose between the two of you!  

The two young adults that I mentioned are so bitter and have turned against their father, who to my knowledge never did anything to either child.  Yes, his marriage to their mother was a disaster, but - and I can't emphasize this enough - the marriage was NOT between him and his children.  

As young children, they were too young to understand, and by the time they were grown they had long ago made a youthful decision to take sides with their mother.  This bitterness towards their father is a direct result of feeling they had to choose between two battling parents.

It makes me sad that this father/child relationship is damaged simply because two parents could not keep their marital problems private and out of earshot of their children. What a shame that these children still do not realize how much their father loves them.  As adults they will not accept him as their father.  His grief over this is sad to see.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.
~Ephesians 6:1-3 

An important point to note in this scripture is that God did not command children to honor only one parent or the other, but to honor both.

On the flip side of this coin, I would remind parents not to concentrate so much on raising your children that you neglect the marriage and your spouse feels left out of the family dynamic.  Remember that balance in all things is one of the keys to a happy life.  

Balance your marriage and let your spouse know how important they are to you.  Agree to disagree behind closed doors.  Parent your children together, as a team, supporting each other in decisions that are best for the children and your family as a whole.

If you are a parent who has dragged your child into your marriage, repair the damage.  Now!  Stop hurting your children and depriving them of an equally important parental relationship.

If you are bitter toward a parent, make amends while you still can.  Get out of your parents' marriage.  It's none of your business.  

It's bad enough to lose a parent through death, and even sadder to lose one that is still alive. 

Friday, November 9, 2012

Brothers & Sisters = Love and Thorns in the Side


Today I am thankful for my only sibling - my baby brother - Garry.  In our mother’s last years we became a team to lovingly care for her until her life on this earth was over on March 5th of this year.  During our childhood and adult years, both Garry and I had seen families (including our own) sometimes splinter and fracture over family funerals and their aftermath.  I am so proud to say that Garry and I stood together - once again as a team - to make it through the difficult task of handling Mama’s funeral and estate without disagreement.  I will be forever thankful to him for that.

New Arrival   I am also thankful that when I think of my childhood, he is there in my memories.  I still remember climbing up on the rail of his baby bed, peering down at that tiny four-day-old baby boy, and wondering to myself what all the fuss was about.  You see when he came home from the hospital, he was responsible for redirecting the path of my little life.  His mission, if he decided to accept it (and he did) was to make sure I did not become a spoiled, only child who was the center of attention of both her parents.  Um, thanks, Garry.  (Wink)

New Baby Brother
Dollies   One summer day when Garry was a cute little two-year-old with a mop of cotton-colored hair, I realized that he was the exact same size as my life-sized doll.  Barricading both of us on our screened-in porch, away from Mama’s ears, I proceeded to force my new live wriggly doll (Garry) into a pretty pink doll’s dress.  It was a perfect fit on a crying baby boy.  Although I tried to hold him down, he eventually ran to Mama for rescue.  To this day, he loves to tell this story and say that it damaged his psyche.  I beg to differ.  I think he would have turned out the way he is no matter what. (Wink, Wink)
Me and my life-size doll
A Thorn in My Side!    On another morning when Garry was about 8 years old, we were standing together in front of an antique dresser mirror.  He had recently become fixated with looking at himself in the mirror.  Being taller I stood behind him, looking over his head as I combed my hair.  He picked up a comb with an impish grin on his face and began slowly running the comb through his blond hair in greatly exaggerated movements.

Out of the blue he said, “I sure am good looking."  Then his blue eyes stared at my brown ones in the mirror as he continued without a beat.  "What happened to you?  Are you sure you aren’t adopted?”  I was so mad that steam must have been coming out my ears.  He just laughed and with even more conviction began to tell me all the reasons that he was sure I was adopted.

A few days later Mama caught me rummaging around in the dresser drawers in her bedroom.  “What are you looking for?” 

“My adoption papers.  I know I am adopted.” 

Mama laughed right out loud and told me I most certainly was NOT adopted.  “It’s okay, Mama.  I know I’m adopted and it is okay.  You can show me the adoption papers.” 

It took me a long time to accept that I was not adopted and Mama wasn’t trying to protect me from the “truth”.  Bummer.  I thought it would be cool to be adopted and also it would explain what Garry had pointed out.

Touche, Baby Brother.  I received my payback for that pink dress.  But you have to admit, you were cute!

Now I must lick my finger and with gusto draw an imaginary check mark in the air for my side.  These days Garry doesn’t have enough hair to run a comb through. 

I love you, Garry B!

Me and my brother

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

From Baby Food Jars to Peanut Butter Jars

Who doesn’t love peanut butter?  I would venture to say that the majority of baby boomers can’t remember a childhood without peanut butter.  Smooth or crunchy?   Smooth has always gotten my vote.  Whenever I bite into a peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich, it almost always will transport me back to my childhood.

When I was a little girl, Peter Pan was the peanut butter of choice in our house.  My earliest memory of peanut butter is walking through the A&P grocery store along side my Mama, who was pushing the grocery cart with my younger brother, Garry, seated facing her with his chubby little legs dangling.  He was about three years old at the time and my Mama was always looking for something that he might like to eat.  You see, long after most toddlers had left behind their baby food jars, my three-year-old brother still loved his baby food and that’s basically all she could get him to eat.  Sorry to “out” you on this one, Garry, but the truth will always come out.  What else are big sisters for?

The only other thing Garry really liked to eat was pieces of loaf bread dunked into a glass of milk.  Since he seemed to like it so much, I decided to give it a try.  Once.  Ugh.  Soggy bread is not my idea of a feast.  But my little brother sure loved it!  Mama often fretted that if she could not find something he would eat, when he started school she would be putting slices of loaf bread and baby food jars in his lunch box. 

On this particular trip to the A&P my Mama spied something on the grocery shelf.  She picked up a jar of Peter Pan and held it out toward Garry.  “Do you want to try some peanut butter, son?”  He gave a quick negative shake of his head.  Mama opened the jar right there in the aisle of the grocery store and dipped her finger in it.  She held out the small dollop of peanut butter toward Garry.  He put his hand over his mouth, shook his head vigorously and firmly said, “No!”

Mama licked the peanut butter off her finger and held the jar toward me.  I dipped my finger in the jar to scoop out some peanut butter for myself.  As we licked our fingers clean, Mama and I made those “Mmmmmm, good” noises.  Garry looked at us warily from his perch in the grocery cart.  “It is soooo good,” I said as I tried to coax him into trying it.  “It tastes like candy,” I said.  Any other time my Mama would have scolded me for telling an outright lie but she must have been desperate to find anything her baby boy would like to eat besides baby food.  But then she had never before opened a jar in the middle of the A&P and started eating before she paid for it!  Desperate times call for desperate measures.

You could see that Garry was considering what I had said because he moved his hand away from his mouth and eyed the peanut butter jar with interest.  I dipped another finger in the peanut butter and held it toward him.  He backed his head away but didn’t cover his mouth this time.  He was undecided about this brown stuff on our fingers because it didn’t look like any candy he had ever seen.

Mama and I both licked a couple more dollops off our fingers, telling him how delicious that “peanut butter candy” was to eat.  Then I offered Garry another small dollop of peanut butter and this time he cautiously licked some of it off.  He didn’t spit it out and we could tell he was testing it on his palate.  We waited anxiously for the verdict.

“More,” he said.  Mama handed Garry the whole jar.  Thus began my brother’s life-long love affair with peanut butter.  Since he already liked loaf bread, getting him to eat it on a sandwich was not difficult.   Mama started weaning him off his baby food habit but still worried that his main diet consisted mostly of peanut butter, bread, and milk.  He did finally start eating regular food but only narrowly before he started first grade.  I am not sure, but I think I may have shamed him into it with my constant mockery of his baby-food habit. 

My Mama still keeps a big jar of peanut butter on her kitchen counter.  When Garry comes over to her house, he will pour a big glass of milk and chow down on a plain peanut butter sandwich.  I’m still not sure if he knows it is not candy.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Great-Grandmother's Homeade-From-Scratch Biscuits. NOT.

It was the 1960s and the young girl was standing in the kitchen expectantly watching her aunt place a bowl, baking sheet, and various ingredients on the counter.  Her aunt was going to teach the girl how to make biscuits – just the way her aunt’s grandmother had made them. 

This was the girl’s first real adventure in the kitchen.  Mama had always let her dry the dishes.  Mama had always let her lick the empty cake pans with her bare fingers.  But Mama had never really let her cook because she was always in a hurry to get food on the table before Daddy got home from work.  And then there was always Mama’s fear that she might get burned.  So the girl was very excited about the day’s cooking lesson. 

When she was a wee thing in a chair at the sink, the girl thought it was fun standing shoulder to shoulder with her Mama over the dishes in the sink.  Now that she was a teenager, though, it had lost its appeal.  There was always irritation followed by a groan that built deep within her whenever she heard Mama call through the house, “Sweetie, come in the kitchen and I’ll let you dry the dishes.”   She never understood why Mama always said that; especially since she no longer ever asked her Mama if she could help with the dishes. Yet Mama always said she would “let” her as if as it were a concession to a request.     

On this day, though, there was a flutter of excitement because her Daddy’s sister was going to teach her to make biscuits the way her grandmother had made them.   Her aunt opened the flour sack and dumped some flour in a bowl.  The girl asked, “How much flour did you use?”  Her aunt smiled and said, “Oh, about this much.  See?”  No, she didn’t really see.  With persistence she asked, “Is that about 2 cups?”  Well, her aunt didn’t really know for sure; this was about how much she always put in the bowl.   

In the next instant her aunt put two fingers into the baking soda box and produced an indeterminate amount of baking soda between her forefinger and thumb.  Then pitched it into the flour bowl and gave it a quick stir.  “How much was that?”  “Oh, about a dash,” came the reply.  “I never measure.  I just do it like Grandmother always did.”  A “dash” of salt was also pitched into the bowl in the same manner. 

In the space of less than a few seconds, her aunt sliced down on the stick of softened butter.  The girl didn’t even bother to ask about the measurement.  She looked at the remaining butter, trying her best to memorize how much was left of the stick.  Excitement was slowly turning to disappointment.

When her aunt picked up the milk carton and began pouring it into the flour, the girl’s hopes were dashed completely.  Then her aunt’s instructions were to stir only in the center, creating a mound of moistened ingredients in the middle of the dry ingredients.  One should always gently and slowly stir the dry ingredients from the sides, her aunt said.  Stir quickly enough to bring all the ingredients together, but not too fast.  Not too slow either.  

As her aunt began to knead the mound of dough, she cautioned her niece that she must knead it enough, but not too much or the biscuits will not be light and fluffy.  Oh my, she thought.  Not too much.  Not too little.  How much exactly is that?

It was after her aunt started sprinkling an undetermined amount of flour onto the waxed paper that the girl realized that her own hands were spotless.  She had not done anything more than watch.  Her aunt then expertly rolled out the dough.  Just before she plunged a down-turned jelly glass into the dough to make the biscuit rounds, the girl asked one final question.  How thick should it be rolled out?  Her aunt replied, “Oh… about so.” 

Later the girl smeared butter on the hot biscuits that had just come from the oven.  She spooned homemade blackberry jam on top of that and put the two halves of the biscuit back together.  Her whole family was seated around the table and compliments flowed in her direction.  So light!  So fluffy!  Absolutely delicious!  What a great cook she had turned out to be!  All the girl could think about was that she had never even felt the dough between her fingers.   

Later that night, the girl’s mother once again “let” her dry the dishes from the baking lesson earlier in the day.  Less irritated about the task than she usually was, the girl decided to confess to her mother that she really didn’t make the biscuits.  Her mother turned and smiled at her and said, “I know, sweetie.”

Then her mother made her own confession.  “The reason I never offered to show you how to make homemade biscuits is because my mother tried to teach me the same way your aunt did today.  My mama never measured anything either so I never knew exactly how to do it.  Tomorrow, I’ll teach you my way of making biscuits.  It a little secret in a can called Pillsbury.”


EIPILOGUE

Years later after I got married, I could peel the label off a can of biscuits and slap it on the corner of the counter like a pro.  Pop!  The biscuit dough would ooze out the crack in the can.  My Mama taught me well.  Homemade biscuits in a jiffy using Mama’s little secret in a can called Pillsbury.

In 1978 a co-worker named Barbara said she had a fool-proof biscuit recipe.  I was not convinced, still remembering that afternoon with my aunt.  She gave me her recipe and seemed so earnest that I decided to give it a try.  She said the secret was to only knead the dough five times – no more, no less.  I have used her recipe countless times over the years and always turn out great biscuits.

Barbara’s Easy Homemade Biscuits

1 cup sifted self-rising flour
1 TBSP shortening
Milk

Mix the self-rising flour and the shortening until the shortening is reduced to small lumps. Add a little milk and stir until the mixture is doughy-sticky.  Put the dough on a floured paper towel, (or plate, or waxed paper, or the counter).  Knead exactly five times. Lightly flour a glass or rolling pin and roll out dough to the thickness you desire, keeping in mind that it will rise at least double that thickness. Cut with a biscuit cutter or glass.  Bake at 350 degrees until lightly browned.  Check the oven after 5 minutes and every few minutes after that until the biscuits are browned to your satisfaction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

I’ve also been reminiscing, pondering, and musing on these topics: